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Relationships
& Intimacy
Guidance
Judith:
Levoteen, I have been doing a lot of thinking about relationships
in my life and in the lives of other people. Do you have any
guidance for us?
The
Communicators: Yes, Judith, we have much to
offer you and to those that have written to you. We invite you
all to look around you and see who is in your life. Many of
you don’t really see who you are partnering with even
though you may refer to them every day as your partner, your
husband/wife, your lover, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your dream
person, your for-the-moment person; even the “non existent
person” has a kind of personality as well. Who is this
person? And what does he/she mean to you? Who are you when you
are with him/her? Who are you when you are not with him/her?
So many of you are operating on “automatic pilot”
and are oblivious to what you have and who you are with or want
to be with. Dear ones, Open Your Eyes; begin to taste, feel
and know what it is that you have and what is that you believe
you don’t have. The time for truth has come.
Judith:
Levoteen, that feels kind of foreboding to me.
The
Communicators: Dear, we can see why you would
say that and yet it is time for those who want to evolve and
grow to expand beyond “business as usual” and to
take the time to fully appreciate who they are and who they
are with and who they want to be with. Humans talk a lot about
love, but so often they have no idea what love is.
Judith:
Levoteen this sounds like a tall order.
The
Communicators: Dearest one, perhaps it appears
that way, however, many of you are ready to take on this challenge.
That which we say is intended to open up the “thought
process” in each individual that reads this. Again, it
is only those that are ready to grow that will see the depth
in it; others will just find it annoying and cryptic.
Judith:
Levoteen, I may be one of those folks.
The
Communicators: Not really, dear, that which
you are questioning at this time has less to do with you, personally,
and more to do with how you believe this information will be
received by your readers. Dear, this is the message that needs
to come forth at this time and you cannot concern yourself with
being amiable. Our work is to awaken those souls that are ready
to hear.
In
Graciousness and Light,
The Communicators (Levoteen)
Questions from Readers
Meet Jenn and Jason: Jenn
describes their 3 1/2 years relationship as loving, filled with
humor, and very trusting and comfortable.
Jenn:
Lately, my boyfriend and I have been fighting more than usual.
We each have a lot of pent-up anger/resentments towards the
other and it takes very little to set us off these days. A lot—if
not most—of our issues are in fact very trite (e.g., being
more thoughtful/flexible, doing one’s share of chores,
offering more romantic gestures) and yet somehow these misunderstandings
seem to have a cumulative effect emotionally so that one little
thing feels like 100 of those incidents in one. I also am very
upset at the things he says when he is angry, declarations that
don’t just dissipate into thin air once he has said them,
but that fester inside of me. There are times that I realize
I don’t feel like being romantic because deep down I have
unresolved resentments and pent up anger.
The
Communicators:
Hello, dearest Jenn. The pettiness that is so easy for humans
to get absorbed in—regardless of the nature of the relationship—has
most to do with the individual fears of each being. The terms
commonly used on earth would be “button-pushers”.
The closer you are with another soul the more aware he/she is
of your vulnerabilities and often that is the place one would
gravitate towards if a person feels his/her safety or well-being
is at stake. Dear, when you bring up things that are annoying
to you, all your boyfriend hears is “criticism”
and a “stripping away of his manhood”. Your words
are coming from your own frustration of “not being heard
or acknowledged.”
Each
one of you is processing the experience in a way that aligns
with your own “fears and strengths”. If you are
a soul that tends to feel “invisible” then “not
being heard” would be a big “button-pusher”
for you. If your partner is a soul that is “feeling insecure
about his worth and purpose in life” then something that
sounds like criticism would be a “button-pusher”
for him. The more “button-pushings” that are stored
within a person the more “armored” a being becomes
and that is when the slightest things will set a person off.
As
always, our counsel is to clear out your own attic, to work
on healing that which is your part of the equation. Dear, in
your case, you have “babied and been overly protective”
of your boyfriend and you have allowed him to “get away
with not doing certain things”. You have done what you
have because you have believed that this was the way to show
love and caring; in the process, you have lost part of yourself.
That which is angering you right now is that you WANT MORE and
you no longer want to be taken for granted. To shift this behavior
you would have to be less critical and more direct about what
you want. This will initially intimidate your boyfriend because
he suffers often from feeling quite insecure. However, unless
you take a stand for yourself you will continue to feed “the
baby” in him and he will have no reason to “grow
up”. You have to decide if you want to baby sit or if
you want an equal partner and lover. Dear, we invite you to
carefully consider all that has been said for, that which needs
to shift first is your own internal process; this new stance
must come from a wholeness and confidence in you, otherwise,
you will just come off like a tyrant and you will lose that
which you want. So, understanding and moderation is needed in
the process. But, most importantly, you need to know it is okay
to have your needs met.
Meet
Sarah: 58 year old spiritually attuned single
woman from Chicago. Her last deep relationship was 28 years
ago.
Sarah:
Is it possible for ME to be in a loving, intimate and reciprocal
relationship in this lifetime?
The
Communicators:
Dear one, you are beginning to become conscious of your desire
to cohabit and commingle with another soul. For so long you have
believed that love was something that would never come to you.
In the past, you have known a connection where you have felt love,
comfort and security and you have also known great heart break
and disappointment. You have believed that in order for you to
have love in your life you must also experience heartbreak. There
is a part of you that still believes these two feelings go hand-in-hand
and you have opted to have neither as a way to feel safe and whole.
As a result dear, you have spent many years running away from
yourself and your heart’s desire.
As the years have passed you have gotten far more self-sufficient
and have healed many of the deep wounds that have propelled you
into hiding. To speak of your desire to connect to another soul
is for you a large first step in opening up what you have sealed
shut. Dear, each new word you utter about this desire and each
new thought you think is creating a new opening for you which,
in turn, will create many more new openings. Dear, you are on
the right path and we encourage you to continue to speak about
and to acknowledge your heart’s desire.
Meet
Alice and Howard: They have been
married for 45 years and for the last year Alice has been ill.
Howard:
Is very concerned about his wife, Alice; she is seriously ill.
She receives treatment from a conventional doctor. Howard believes
in Alternative Treatments and does not really approve of the
traditional treatment prescribed by Alice’s doctor. How
can he best support Alice in her journey?
The
Communicators: Alice is a soul who has walked
a rather narrow path in this life and traditional treatment
is the way she feels most comfortable. She believes in what
she sees as the “tried and true” methods and she
is not in any way interested in what she sees as being experimental
in nature. This is completely in character with her and, frankly,
at this stage in her life it is not vital for her to change
that philosophy.
However, what is burdening her at this time is her feeling “guilty”
over things she believes she “should have done”.
She regrets words and actions she did not say and do and it
is these “regrets” that are weighing her down. What
she needs most to do is to talk about these feelings. The more
she can release the “guilt and regrets” the lighter
she will feel. Changing doctors at this time is really irrelevant.
Most important is for her to open up and release that which
is burdening her mind and her heart.
Howard,
you need to be a friend to Alice and find ways to help her relax
so she may feel more open to talk. Your ideas about treatment
may work just fine for you because they match your belief system,
however, Alice’s thinking is quite different. Howard,
you are also holding on to many of your own fears about “doctors”
and you are not quite as open as you believe yourself to be.
That which will serve you both the most is to talk and to begin
to admit some feelings about things that were never spoken about.
It can start off easily; there is no need to push it. Howard,
you might like to begin by talking about something from your
childhood—perhaps something you never shared with Alice.
Meet
RP: A gregarious gay man from
New Orleans.
RP:
There are things, both large and small, I want to do in life
before I shed this mortal coil. In the middle of the scale is
learning French and at the grand end of the scale is being in
a relationship. I know what steps to take to learn French, but
I'm pretty clueless about pursuing a relationship. One thing
I'm reasonably sure of is that I don't really want to pursue
or chase after it. Generally, I'm trying to be more open to
life, stretch my usual boundaries and face my fears as best
I can when they come up. And, for now, I'm wrapping the possibility
of a relationship in that same package. It's not a direct route
to romance, but I think it's the route I need to take. Any thoughts?
The
Communicators:
Hello, dearest RP. We welcome you and invite you to spread your
wings even wider than you can imagine. RP, you are a most gregarious
soul who is indeed interested in engaging all aspects of yourself
in a wide range of experiences; it is also true that that which
you desire has to be very much on your terms and done your way.
Your life very much revolves around your varying needs and desires
and, although you care and consider other people when you get
absorbed in you own “interests,” you seem to lose
touch with what is around you.
Dear, your many friends satisfy many of your needs for connecting,
but that which is not currently being fulfilled are your sexual
desires. This is the area that you need to pursue for, although
you think you may want a “relationship,” in truth
such a relationship would be far too stifling for you. That
which most compliments your current lifestyle and temperament
would be a sexual partner with whom you have an understanding,
a partnership in which each of you lives your own separate life
and then comes together, in physical passion, as it is needed.
Dear,
the way to do this is really JUST TO DO IT. It is about approaching
someone you find attractive and letting them know it.
For more information, or to make an appointment for a Counseling
Session?
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Me
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